My Friend, I See You. I Really Do. 

Nineteen years ago, I was sitting in a bathtub, desperately wanting to die, with a plastic jug of alcohol as my only friend.

I called it my "death bathtub," where I sat for weeks at a time, drowning not just in alcohol, but in grief, self-hatred, and shame.

When I passed out, the bottle didn't roll too far. We were together in that bathtub, the bottle and I, constant companions in my despair, just waiting for the end.

What I couldn't possibly imagine then was that this rock bottom would become the foundation for everything that came next...

But here's something that took me years to understand: getting sober was just the beginning. 

For years, I still struggled with feeling broken, eternally flawed, 'not enough.' At 7 years sober, I looked successful on paper – two master's degrees, executive career, daily meetings, service work.

I had worked the steps, gone to therapy, done everything "right." Yet inside? I was still at war with myself. I discovered that no amount of external success could heal my internal wounds.

Despite years of sobriety, my "character defects" of relentless inner criticism, self-loathing, self-sabotage, unworthiness, not-enoughness, and toxic relationship patterns still ruled my life.   

And here's the truth I wish someone had told me sooner: These weren't character defects. They were survival strategies, born out of trauma, disconnection, and a nervous system that’s never felt fully safe.

I thought something was fundamentally wrong with me and that I would never know happiness and inner peace they talk about in the rooms.

The plot twist? That struggle, that deep pain of feeling fundamentally flawed-wasn’t a sign that I was doing recovery wrong. These weren't failures. They were necessary steps in my journey of BECOMING who I always meant to BE.

Today, after 18 years of continuous sobriety, more 'getting back up' moments than I can count, having sponsored and worked with countless women all over the world, I know the truth: we are not alone in these struggles and getting sober is just the beginning. 

The real journey is learning to live with and to love the person in the mirror, to become who we were always meant to be–women of dignity and grace who are happy, joyous, and free.

I'm writing this from Bangkok, Thailand, living a sober life I never thought possible, a life truly beyond my wildest dreams. And I am so grateful and honored to walk alongside other sober women on this sacred journey of BECOMING. 

This is why, after sixteen years of professionally developing trauma-informed frameworks that have helped thousands of people worldwide reclaim their wellbeing and happiness, I'm launching a new recovery research initiative. 

To create what was missing in my own journey and journeys of so many women I worked with: trauma-informed solutions and tools designed specifically for sober women who’ve stayed the course, done the work, and still struggle inside.

If you’ve been sober 5+ years and this resonates, I invite you to share your story with me. Your journey and your experience matter more than you know—and it will help unlock healing for countless others.

Because here's what I know for sure: you are not broken. You are breaking free. And you don't have to walk this path alone!💛 

With love and gratitude for all you are, 

Olga